Ranking every episode of Inside No. 9

Getting rightly roasted by series creator Reece Shearsmith.

Okay, so it took me six years but I never arrive on time to a party. I'm like Gandalf - arriving precisely when I mean to (usually as the buffet is starting to go cold).

'Inside No. 9' is nothing short of genius and I'm obsessed with it. Anthology-type programmes in particular appeal to me these days because I'm not a massive TV watcher and the bite-sized, one-off episodes are perfect for me to consume. Additionally, unlike some episodes of 'Black Mirror', I've never felt the need to find out more about a particular character or setting after a story arc comes to an end. It is story-telling at its absolute finest and the twists can be particularly dastardly.

As I've mentioned before, I love a list! So, having binge-watched the last four seasons, I'm going to rank my favourites, in order. There's no such thing as a bad episode of 'Inside No. 9', just some I prefer over others. I won't provide spoilers so you can enjoy them too (also, can we just appreciate the artwork for each episode as we go through?!)

28. "And the winner is.." (Series 4, 2018)

We join the jury of a television awards company as they decide on who is going to win the Best Actress award. But only one of the eight actresses can be chosen.

Excellent cast, good premise and nice twist. That's it, that's the episode. There are some clever lines but not much actually happens. No episode of Inside No. 9 should be skipped over though so definitely still well worth a watch.

27. "Séance Time" (Series 2, 2015)

Young woman Tina visits a medium for a séance. After being shown in to a room in a Victorian villa by "Hives", she is introduced to "Madam Talbot", an elderly woman shrouded in black.

The weakest season finale I would say, but loved the midway twist. Quite humorous in places and there was an outstanding iconic line from Alison Steadman's character: “Do you know I was very nearly Marple? They said I wasn’t sweet enough. Fuckers!”

26. "Diddle Diddle Dumpling" (Series 3, 2017)

David, a stay-at-home dad, finds a man's shoe while out jogging. He becomes fixated on finding the shoe's owner, straining his relationship with his wife Louise.

Not the most believable storyline and the end left more unanswered questions than the usual episode does, but still good fare with quite a heart-wrenching twist.

25. "Last Gasp" (Series 1, 2014)

Pop star Frankie J Parsons, accompanied by assistant Si and WishmakerUK representative Sally, visits the poorly Tamsin on her ninth birthday, but suddenly collapses – and appears to have died – while blowing up a balloon. Graham, Tamsin's father, realises that Frankie's last breath could be highly valuable, and he, Sally and Si argue over ownership of the balloon.

The initial ten minutes are really funny, then it slows down in the middle. After that, it gets fairly predictable but I loved Tamzin Greig's vapid performance - she carried the episode.

24. "To Have and to Hold" (Series 4, 2018)

When a wedding photographer seems bored by his marriage, instead focusing on jigsaws and Pot Noodles, his wife desires to renew their wedding vows, yet instead finds something far more sinister...

The previous episodes I've reviewed are all good, if not slightly middling. Every episode hereafter is excellent and this is the first of the so-deemed excellent episodes. Truly cringe at times but such a good twist which plays out nicely. The ending was slightly impractical which mired it slightly but so, so good.

23. "Nana's Party" (Series 2, 2015)

Angela hosts a birthday party for her 79-year-old mother, Maggie, while Angela's husband Jim plans to play a practical joke on Pat, the husband of Angela's alcoholic sister Carol. 

This is the first of the ranking to feature a truly laugh-out loud moment and IT WAS SO MY SENSE OF HUMOUR. One of the many Inside No. 9 episodes to show families at their worst in a truly believable way.

22. "Private View" (Series 3, 2017)

Carrie, Patricia, Maurice, Kenneth and Jean attend a private retrospective art exhibition. They are met by the waitress Bea, but none know why they have been invited.

Some comedic heavyweights in this episode and I loved Fiona Shaw's performance. The storyline in this one is what lends itself so well to the Inside No. 9 format. Although I still don't fully understand the ending...

21. "Cold Comfort" (Series 2, 2015)

Andy (Pemberton) starts work at the Comfort Support Line, a crisis support line with manager George, the gossipy Liz and the officious Joanne. A difficult call from a suicidal teenage girl leads to a series of problems.

One of my early favourites. I loved the way it was shown through CCTV footage and it kept you guessing throughout. One of those ones where if you watched it again, you would be able to pick up lots of little hints and easter eggs.

20. "Love's Great Adventure" (Series 5, 2020)

We join a northern family for the days of December leading up to Christmas, with tensions brewing.

The twist wasn't as discernible but it was pure drama. Again, an excellent portrayal of a modern British family - with quite a low fanfare, but satisfying ending.

19. "The Harrowing" (Series 1, 2014)

Katy is hired to housesit the Gothic mansion where Hector and Tabitha live, while the pair attend an important event. The house is filled with paintings depicting Hell, and kept below freezing for Hector and Tabitha's severely disabled brother, Andras, who is staying in his bedroom upstairs. Andras is not to be disturbed.

The season one finale was set up to be a bit disturbing, then I thought that was too obvious and it would be tame. More fool me as it was actually quite a disturbing episode that left you feeling unsettled. Also - the best friend in that episode was an absolute dick (and that is not a spoiler, you'll know exactly what I mean from the moment you meet her).

18. "Empty Orchestra" (Series 3, 2017)

Greg, Fran, Connie, Janet and Duane enter a karaoke booth in fancy dress to celebrate the promotion of their manager Roger. The character's relationships are revealed both through their explicit interactions and their karaoke performances.

I loved this episode. The soundtrack was perfect and it was just a good story about a dysfunctional group of work colleagues on a night out - relatable AF.

17. "Tom and Gerri" (Series 1, 2014)

Tom is a frustrated primary school teacher and aspiring author. One night, a homeless man named Migg returns Tom's lost wallet, and Migg ends up living with Tom, to the frustration of Tom's girlfriend Gerri. Tom's life changes dramatically as a result.

I think this episode definitely helped to define the style and tone of Inside No. 9 for me. I am still haunted by the character of Migg to this day to be honest. 

16. "The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge" (Series 2, 2015)

In the 17th century, villager Elizabeth Gadge stands accused of witchcraft; she will be burnt at the stake if found guilty. Magistrate Sir Andrew Pike summons renowned witch-finders Mr Warren and Mr Clarke to investigate, planning to use the trial to increase interest in the village.

Inside No. 9 is twisty, deliciously dark and funny and this is a stand-out episode in terms of its sheer silliness. David Warner is fabulous in it and it was just a really fun watch. The setting shows how knowledgeable and versatile Shearsmith and Pemberton really are as writers and actors.

15. "The Referee's a W***er" (Series 5, 2020)

Tensions rise in the referee's changing room during the ref's last game before retirement.

I was skeptical at first as I despise football but it was an entertaining episode. Plus, David Morrisey is a truly epic actor and brought the house down with his performance.

14. "Death Be Not Proud" (Series 5, 2020)

When Beattie and her partner move into a new flat at a knockdown price, strange things occur. Made only stranger when the previous owner returns.

I'm not going to lie - I was laughing at the episode's ridiculousness anyway, so imagine my surprise when I found out it was all in reference to 'Psychoville'. I'm so new to Shearsmith and Pemberton's content that I genuinely had no idea. I will never listen to 'Soulja Boy' in the same way ever again. The only thing I would say is that Jenna Coleman's performance was largely forgettable amidst the absolute chaos.

13. "The Understudy" (Series 1, 2014)

Successful West End actor Tony is starring in a production of Shakespeare's Macbeth. His understudy Jim has always wanted a starring role, and Jim's fiancée Laura encourages him to push for Tony's job.

This episode felt like true British comedy to me. Julia Davis was hilarious and I loved the premise. If anything, it really reinforced that it is often the most unsuspecting of people who need to watched the most in 'Inside No. 9'. 

12. "Tempting Fate" (Series 4, 2018)

Council contractors Keith, Nick and Maz have to clear out the flat of a dead hoarder but when they unveil the content of the man's safe, their lives will never be the same again.

Another excellent season finale. I find the episodes with smaller casts work the best, and this one was full of twists and turns. Hugely entertaining, with the ending finishing with a right bang...

11. "Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room" (Series 4, 2018)

Double-act Cheese and Crackers have reunited after 30 years to perform in front of an audience, but an incident that caused them to fall out comes back into the limelight.

Genuinely one of the best episodes of the entire series. Poignant, harkening back to the golden days of comedy, it really served to tell a tale about friendship, hardship and mortality. Hilariously funny in places as well - they don't make comedy like they used to (except for Shearsmith and Pemberton).

10. 'Zanzibar' (Series 4, 2018)

Told through the style of iambic pentameter, various guests arrive at Hotel Zanzibar where they find themselves interacting with one another in a variety of ways, from murder to a proposal.

Held up as one of the greatest episodes and rightly so, if purely just for the storytelling aspect. Cleverly done and with an excellent supporting cast, this episode is opulent and exciting in equal measure.

9. "The Riddle of the Sphinx" (Series 3, 2017)

Nina breaks into the office of the classicist Professor Nigel Squires, who publishes cryptic crosswords in the Varsity as "The Sphinx". Squires proceeds to teach Nina how to solve cryptic crosswords using the next day's puzzle.

Honestly, the cleverest 'Inside No. 9' episode of them all and also, hugely disturbing (almost too much in some ways). This is one that continues to go down the rabbit hole but hey, I learnt how they devise cryptic crosswords (still can't do them though).

8. "Once Removed" (Series 4, 2018)

Removal man Spike arrives to help May move house, leading him into bizarre circumstances which unfold through reverse chronology.

This was an excellent episode and one that kept you guessing throughout. It also has the best thirty seconds of TV I've ever seen - thoroughly entertaining in the most wonderful black comedy way. The only thing unconvincing is Shearsmith's wig.

7. "Dead Line" (Halloween Special, 2018)

Walking home one night, Arthur finds a mobile phone in a graveyard. Taking it home with him, strange events occur.

I didn't find it easy to get to sleep after this episode. Dead Line shows Shearsmith and Pemberton know their TV history ('Ghost Watch' anyone). My only regret is that I didn't watch it live - I think it would have been a special experience. 

6. "The Bill" (Series 3, 2017)

The northerners Archie, Malcolm and Kevin take the southerner Craig for a tapas meal, but an argument breaks out over who should pay the bill. To the consternation of the waitress, all men attempt to pay.

I loved the simplicity of this episode and how relatable it was. If you've ever tried to split a bill amongst friends, you will absolutely love this story. Twisty as twisty gets.

5. "The Devil of Christmas" (Series 3, 2016)

In a film within the episode, an English family travel to an Austrian chalet in December 1977. They are told the story of the Krampus by their guide. Meanwhile, the film's director provides audio commentary.

I can't say too much about this episode without giving it away but I loved it. Set in the seventies, the wooden, exaggerated acting was so reminiscent of that time. And the end is just... breathtaking. 'Inside No. 9' on steroids to be honest.

4. "The 12 Days of Christine" (Series 2, 2015)

Christine meets Adam at a New Year party. Her life begins to unravel around her as events seem to take place out of sequence and she is haunted by visions of an unknown man. 

Another poignant masterpiece, and pure drama once again. You have no idea where this story is going until all is beautifully revealed at the end. An episode that doesn't leave you immediately and one that you're still processing days later.

3. "A Quiet Night In" (Series 1, 2014)

Hapless cat burglars Eddie and Ray break into a luxury house to try to steal a painting while Gerald and Sabrina, the couple who live in the house, argue.

The second episode of the first series, "A Quiet Night In" really set up the premise of 'Inside No. 9' for me. Genius, situational comedy from start to finish, this episode crammed a lot in, with it almost feeling like 'Black Mirror' in some places. And despite the series being known for its fantastic dialogue, there are virtually no lines in this episode. Epic.

2. "Sardines" (Series 1, 2014)

Rebecca and Jeremy hold an engagement party at Rebecca's family's mansion. The guests play the parlour game sardines, in which one person hides and the other players have to join them in their hiding place once they are found. As Rebecca's friends and family are packed into a wardrobe, secrets are gradually revealed.

The very first episode is still one of the best I think. I started watching it, bemused at the characters and being completely shocked at what eventually transpired. And so began the obsession. I had also never heard of the game 'Sardines' until this episode either so every day is a school day.

1. "La Couchette" (Series 2, 2015)

English doctor Maxwell attempts to settle in a French sleeper carriage. He is disturbed first by drunk, flatulent German Jorg, then by English couple Kath and Les. When Australian backpacker Shona brings the posh Hugo (back to the carriage, they make a discovery.

It may not be the best episode but it's certainly my favourite. Laugh out loud funny throughout and so relatable, "La Couchette" features the pitfalls of travelling with others. Plus, it has Jack Whitehall playing Jack Whitehall in it so what's not to like?